I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
