true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
