that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
