I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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