went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
