the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
