hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
