That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
