I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
