yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
