12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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