You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
