dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish you could order shots online.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
