i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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