The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
