i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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