Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
