Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
