Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
