If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
