I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
