just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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