You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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