I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
