I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
