Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
