Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
