Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
