We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
