I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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