I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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