Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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