There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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