He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
