Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
