Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
