what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
