Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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