Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
