She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
