mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
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