I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
