This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
