Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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