I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
