careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
