Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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