the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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