it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
