Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
