your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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